Chemo Round 2

2

I’d like to tell you that my experience is the norm, that there is some standard that everyone can follow when they go through chemo. That just isn’t the truth. I’ve learned firsthand that every treatment is different for every patient. And even a single patient can have a very different experience with each individual treatment. My second treatment was proof of that.

My second treatment began with a quick visit with Oncologist. He examined my breast and confirmed that my tumor was shrinking. THANK THE LORD! We chatted and he decided that we needed to get a marker placed in my breast near the tumor so that they can keep track of it. He said that it could just shrink away and they need to know where to go if that happens.

From there I went across the building to the ‘infusion center’ and I saw two kids, it broke my heart. They shouldn’t have to be there. I also got to chat with a couple of women and I’m learning more about the different types of cancers and chemo. It all sucks!

It was a long day, about 5 ½ hours, but William was there the entire time, and the nurses are wonderful! I was pretty tired that night. To top it all off, my period started that night…really?! I just had one a couple weeks ago 🙁 The next day it hit me much harder than the first treatment. I was pretty tired, and I still had to go back for my Neulasta shot. This time it was only a ½ dose – this definitely reduced my feelings of bone splintering this time around. The effects this time were constant nausea the night after treatment, sore throat, constant feeling of a lump in my throat, sores in my nose, tightness in chest along with some of the other stuff mentioned in a previous post. 🙂 Chemo Sucks!

This doesn’t only affect me, it affects my family. So I wanted to share the realities of the things we all deal with.

By Saturday my husband was at his wits end. The cat hair was driving him crazy, the floor wasn’t vacuumed, dishes in the sink, he had bills to pay, mail to look through, he had a long week at work and did I mention he was stressed? It wasn’t looking like a good day for him plus I wasn’t well. It was an emotional day. For the first time I truly felt alone. I felt like he was upset with me and why couldn’t I just be better? He was so occupied and stressed…but he kept asking what he could do for me. Honestly I needed him to put the computer down and rub my arms and hands. But who wants to do that? I couldn’t do it myself; my hands and arms were in pain. So I kept it to myself. I eventually napped quite a bit that day. I thought to myself: ‘If I wasn’t seen maybe, just maybe he would be ok’. I knew my husband would talk when he was ready, so I went to bed and prayed for him.

Sunday he apologized for being grumpy but the day was thrown off balance again. It was my birthday and I wasn’t well. Talking wore me out. Just to function in any capacity sucked. He tried to love me that day but stress overruled. 🙂 I got sick that night and became shaky and that freaked William out. It was a rough day. I began to think that if he was reacting strongly with this treatment how were we going to get through the next four? I prayed again that night and finally around 2:00am was able to get a little sleep.

Monday I shaved my head and cried while William was at work. It was the first time I had done it since he shaved it. Yes it is only hair but, I would never have shaved it if it wasn’t falling out. William came home and he looked crestfallen. He told me “I should’ve been the one to shave your head.” We sat together and finally had our talk. He cried and I cried a little, it still hurts to cry but we were finally talking and laughing and getting it out in the open. We aren’t always going to get along but I never want to feel like I have to do this alone. Having the Lord in my life is a comfort to me. I also know that I am blessed to have William as my husband. I don’t want to do this without him.

We are human with lots of emotions and it gets messy, but our choice is to live each day as it comes and to deal with life. We choose our battles one day at a time. We will do this together and be stronger in the end. I am not alone and if you are reading this, you are not alone with whatever you may be dealing with! 🙂

Love and kisses!

Tamika

AUTHOR

8 Comments

  1. Donna Johnson | June 7, 2014 at 1:23 am
     

    I haven't been through what you are going through, so I can't say I know how you feel. I have been through physical and emotional traumas, so I have an idea of what you are going through. This brought tears to my eyes and heart. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Sometimes life just sucks. I know that you two are going to make it through this – and come out even better than before. I've had some stuff going on and haven't been ready to come out of my shell – but I'm just about there. I will get a hold of you soon. Love to you all. <3

    Reply
  2. Donna Johnson | June 7, 2014 at 1:26 am
     

    Oh, and keep writing. I started a grief blog a few years ago and I think writing helped me quite a bit.

    Reply
  3. Mary Ann Casados | June 7, 2014 at 1:37 am
     

    Tamika I read this and it brings back so many memories and emotions of my chemo 5 years ago. I know the pain your going through with the neulasta injections. I woke up one night and went to get out of bed and it was like I had no legs. They hurt from my hips to my toes. I hit the floor I wasn't able to stand I crawled to the living room cause that is where my pain meds were. I couldn't stand to reach them. I was by myself and had to call someone to help me. I felt like a burden cause it was 5am. I was thankful and very blessed to have such caring people in my life. I love you cuz. You are so very blessed.

    Reply
  4. Tricia Munoz Rocha | June 7, 2014 at 2:43 am
     

    The Lord is ur strength!! This reminds me of what my mom went through and it is tough for all of u. Your right u are not alone in this. These times when stress builds call me or anyone and pray with them it will help. Love u and God bless!!!

    Reply
  5. Randy Garber | June 7, 2014 at 6:26 am
     

    Tamika you married a good man to take good care of you the kids hang in there you guys love you so much I miss you so much May God be with you bless you Randy

    Reply
  6. Sarah Erickson Holguin | June 7, 2014 at 7:15 am
     

    Your posts put a lot of perspective on life and what to be grateful for everyday. Sometimes I forget! Also makes me cry, my heart is broken for you and your family. Praying for you everyday

    Reply
  7. Donna Porter | June 7, 2014 at 3:19 pm
     

    Praying for your friend….My heart also breaks for her as I recall the different stages of treatment. I know that God will get her through it and I pray that this will be a time when she feels His love surround her in ways she never has known before….in spite of the uncertainty of it all.

    Reply
  8. Jennifer Clavio Thies | June 7, 2014 at 8:14 pm
     

    We love you Tamika and pray for your health and for your family everyday on our way to school!

    Reply

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