I’d like to tell you that my experience is the norm, that there is some standard that everyone can follow when they go through chemo. That just isn’t the truth. I’ve learned firsthand that every treatment is different for every patient. And even a single patient can have a very different experience with each individual treatment. My second treatment was proof of that.
My second treatment began with a quick visit with Oncologist. He examined my breast and confirmed that my tumor was shrinking. THANK THE LORD! We chatted and he decided that we needed to get a marker placed in my breast near the tumor so that they can keep track of it. He said that it could just shrink away and they need to know where to go if that happens.
From there I went across the building to the ‘infusion center’ and I saw two kids, it broke my heart. They shouldn’t have to be there. I also got to chat with a couple of women and I’m learning more about the different types of cancers and chemo. It all sucks!
It was a long day, about 5 ½ hours, but William was there the entire time, and the nurses are wonderful! I was pretty tired that night. To top it all off, my period started that night…really?! I just had one a couple weeks ago 🙁 The next day it hit me much harder than the first treatment. I was pretty tired, and I still had to go back for my Neulasta shot. This time it was only a ½ dose – this definitely reduced my feelings of bone splintering this time around. The effects this time were constant nausea the night after treatment, sore throat, constant feeling of a lump in my throat, sores in my nose, tightness in chest along with some of the other stuff mentioned in a previous post. 🙂 Chemo Sucks!
This doesn’t only affect me, it affects my family. So I wanted to share the realities of the things we all deal with.
By Saturday my husband was at his wits end. The cat hair was driving him crazy, the floor wasn’t vacuumed, dishes in the sink, he had bills to pay, mail to look through, he had a long week at work and did I mention he was stressed? It wasn’t looking like a good day for him plus I wasn’t well. It was an emotional day. For the first time I truly felt alone. I felt like he was upset with me and why couldn’t I just be better? He was so occupied and stressed…but he kept asking what he could do for me. Honestly I needed him to put the computer down and rub my arms and hands. But who wants to do that? I couldn’t do it myself; my hands and arms were in pain. So I kept it to myself. I eventually napped quite a bit that day. I thought to myself: ‘If I wasn’t seen maybe, just maybe he would be ok’. I knew my husband would talk when he was ready, so I went to bed and prayed for him.
Sunday he apologized for being grumpy but the day was thrown off balance again. It was my birthday and I wasn’t well. Talking wore me out. Just to function in any capacity sucked. He tried to love me that day but stress overruled. 🙂 I got sick that night and became shaky and that freaked William out. It was a rough day. I began to think that if he was reacting strongly with this treatment how were we going to get through the next four? I prayed again that night and finally around 2:00am was able to get a little sleep.
Monday I shaved my head and cried while William was at work. It was the first time I had done it since he shaved it. Yes it is only hair but, I would never have shaved it if it wasn’t falling out. William came home and he looked crestfallen. He told me “I should’ve been the one to shave your head.” We sat together and finally had our talk. He cried and I cried a little, it still hurts to cry but we were finally talking and laughing and getting it out in the open. We aren’t always going to get along but I never want to feel like I have to do this alone. Having the Lord in my life is a comfort to me. I also know that I am blessed to have William as my husband. I don’t want to do this without him.
We are human with lots of emotions and it gets messy, but our choice is to live each day as it comes and to deal with life. We choose our battles one day at a time. We will do this together and be stronger in the end. I am not alone and if you are reading this, you are not alone with whatever you may be dealing with! 🙂
Love and kisses!